American Hospice Foundation, Washington DC, USA

What If? ( A Teen's Thoughts in the Aftermath of Her Father's Death) E-mail
Grieving Children

By Maykayla Hamilton

"What" and "If" are two very simple words but put them together and face a lifetime of worry and regret. "What if" is a saying I learned about all too well after I lost my father in September of 2008. He died very suddenly. I have wished for a long time I could go back and have a chance to say good bye.

Recently I was asked what I would say if I could change my last moments with my dad. I was so excited to write about this topic until I sat down to begin. Suddenly I had a million things to say and picking just one seemed impossible. The last time I saw my dad was on September 6, 2008. We went to breakfast at his favorite restaurant. I was in a hurry and I had a little bit of an attitude. The last thing I told him was that I loved him and he responded in his usual sarcastic tone saying, "I love you too, brat." I wish I hadn't been rushing or hadn't had an attitude, but I can't change that now.

I learned a lot about my dad after he died. I learned that he loved me much more than I knew. I learned that although he never told me how proud he was of me, he told everyone else. I still talk to my father everyday. I tell him about things that are happy and things that are sad. I tell him about things that would make him so proud and about things that would most likely get me grounded if he were still here. I tell him I will always be his baby girl. He's not gone forever, just for now. Many people wonder "what if" for their whole life, but not me.

The author is 16 years of age.

                     
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